We often hear about how important it is for kids to play, but what do we mean by play?
All types of play is important, but an integral part of a child’s play should be self-directed play, or in other words child led play.
Let me explain.
Do you ever feel that when you join in on your child’s play, that you ‘take over’? Many parents feel this way, and are worried about the impact this might have on their child’s play and development.
Feeling comfortable with self directed play
It can be really hard to step back and let children play. As an adult you can see the logical progressions, the connections between concepts, and you can identify and solve problems that haven’t even been set in motion yet. You can do this, because over the course of your life you have had experiences and engaged in learning that allowed you to develop these skills. Children need to go through the same experiences in order to learn this too; they are not going to learn just because you told them so. This is not how neural pathways are created, neural pathways are created by doing.
Self directed play is crucial because it allows children to work their way through different concepts at a rate that meets their needs. For example, in order to learn that two solid objects connecting with one another will result in a loud noise, there are several stages a young child needs to go through. First, they will discover that hitting a block against another block makes a loud noise. They will discover that after hitting two blocks together many times. After that, they need to knock the block against a variety of other surfaces and materials many times. Then, they need to do that same process with a different hard object, like a spoon or marker. Again, many times.
Now, imagine if an adult came over, took the block and said ‘blocks are for building, not for making a racket’. Let’s imagine that same adult, later in the day during quiet time, said ‘don’t drop the spoon on the table, it will make a loud noise!’. Not only has the opportunity for learning a new concept been taken away, but the child and the adult have had a totally avoidable negative interaction.
Setting up for self directed play
So we want children to engage in self directed play, but how do we do it? Thankfully, children are naturals at self directed play. However, if you’ve gotten into some overly structured habits at home, they might take a little bit of work to unlearn. But rest assured, self directed play does not have equal chaotic play.
Most simply, self directed play involves children following their interests and experimenting with objects they have close at hand. Children naturally want to experiment with their toys, and add different toys to different areas. If you’ve not encouraged this, or enforced a ‘one toy at a time rule’ there are ways you can still have structure whilst also encouraging self directed play. Some ideas that might work in your home:
-Set a number of toys that can be ‘out’ at the same time, say three. Have your child plan which toys they want, with an agreement that if they would like to swap one out they have to pack up one of their choices first. Once this rule is established, you can modify the number of different toys on different occasions. For a toddler, you will need to model this behaviour for them until they understand it on their own, and stick with a clear number.
-Set up play areas where you have combined different toys and/or materials. However, in order for this to be self directed play, don’t then encourage the child to play with the toys the way you intended. Children are far more creative than many adults, and they will likely have brilliant ideas of what they can do with the materials you set up.
-Have special times where you plan a ‘whatever you want’ day or occasion. Establish rules beforehand about safety and cleaning up. When you first start doing this your child might need some inspiration from you for what is possible (e.g. “let’s make ‘an anything cake’, and mix together whatever ingredients we want, put it in the oven and see what happens”).
Being involved with self directed play
Self directed play doesn’t have to be solitary play. In fact, your child will benefit from you or older siblings being involved in self directed play as it gives them a sense of agency and control. It’s letting them practice being a leader, and having to think about the actions of others as well as themselves.
Adults also contribute to a lot of the learning that occurs when children play, and this doesn’t change when the play is being directed by the child. In fact, it is nearly always more beneficial. This is because motivated children are highly capable of learning new information, new skills and new vocabulary. They are showing you what they are interested in with the play they are engaging in, and this means you have a captive audience.
It is always important to remember to have high expectations of your child and what they are capable of learning and retaining. You’ve met young children who can identify over 100 species of dinosaurs, or all the planets in the solar system. They have learnt this through self directed play, facilitated by adults or older siblings - no child is going to learn 100 names of anything if they aren’t interested. Make sure you listen to your child, either by their words or their actions, and let them take the wheel. You will be surprised by where you end up.